You see happiness, but you can't share in it. It doesn't touch you, affect you.
You stand apart from it, detached and alone. Like no one else knows what you're going through.
Well, they don't. (As much as they say they do, they don't.) Deal with it. Live. How else will things get better?
~Inspired by "It's Kind of a Funny Story" and personal experiences.
Sunday, October 17, 2010
Saturday, February 27, 2010
Moviegoers' Adrenaline - A Freak Experience
I find it much more difficult to care about everyday life after I am taken out of it for a little while.
Whenever I go and see a movie at a theater, at least in the vein of movies I thoroughly enjoy (creature/supernatural features, mostly), I tend to gain a freak adrenaline surge after I leave the theater. Often, this has led to my doing some very strange things on the way to the car (i.e. dancing, jumping up on signposts or walls, jumping on other people, or laying on the rear window of my car and staring into the sky). It's quite a sight to see, I assure you. Once, I kept my composure long enough to dropped my friend at his house and drive home, after which I parked my car and walked around the park across my street for about an hour and a half (at 10:30 at night, in midwinter), until my hands and throat were numb from the cold. My mother was not amused, and when pressed for an explanation, I responded, "I didn't want to be in the house just yet." I almost did the same thing again tonight, but I resisted the urge, after lying on the side of my car for a few minutes and fighting the urge to jump the chain-link fence and just run.
I feel an intolerable need to be out in the open air, free of all my normal attachments, at least for a little while longer. When I am in the theater, absorbed in another world, into another person's life (or lives), I feel a sort of peace, and a sweet knowledge that nothing of my world can touch me here, save for the person that was transported to this world with me. And I so wish that I could take some of that peace back with me, but alas, it can only live in these other worlds, these scenes of the impossible, the fantastic, the inexplicable. The normal just doesn't hold as much sway over me after I've felt so strongly the pull of the supernormal.
The first time it happened, and many times subsequently, I told myself that it was because I had been sitting on my butt, doing nothing, eating a whole bag of candy. But this latest excursion to the realm of impossibility had proven me wrong, for no candy passed my lips while I sat, and halfway through the movie, I was literally vibrating in my chair, half from the cold of the theater, and half from pent-up excitement. I had to bite my tongue to keep from laughing or shouting out loud, especially when it was the least appropriate to do so. I felt so inhibited, as though the other people in the room were the only thing keeping me from screaming at the top of my lungs and laughing to the point of sickness. It frightened me a little, as this was the first time I had ever been to see a movie alone. I do not believe it is an experience I shall repeat, as the symptoms seem to grow exponentially when I have no one close to me who I fear may be judging my actions.
These strange and morbid feelings do not last for long, though. Thankfully. After the inexplicable surge of energy has left me, there is in it's place an incredible lethargy, weighting down my limbs and making me feel as though I have just fought an incredible beast. I lay down, and sleep calls to me. But I cannot sleep, for the energy that was within my limbs has now made its home within my head. My thoughts return to the world that I inhabited for so fleeting a time, running round and round until such a time as even my mind is worn out, and dreamless sleep then welcomes me.
I have never dreamt after an experience like that. not once. maybe my mind is too tired from dissecting every scene of the films, trying desperately to find a way back in.
This is unhealthy, I know. After my night of wandering in the park, my mom told me it was because I felt things too deeply, that I empathized with the characters until I truly wished I were one of them. I am beginning to believe that she was correct, that I am too passionate about things that are not real, and that I should redirect my energies towards the good of this world... but I can never seem to get up that kind of wanton enthusiasm for anything the natural world has to offer... except for God. He is, as always, my saving grace, because when I look to Him, all other things in my mind pale in comparison. Fictions lose their splendor, lies are shown for what they are, and the inner struggle of my being are rendered utterly unimportant. There is only myself and Him, telling me that I am perfect just the way He created me, and I need no more than that. And I always find myself agreeing with Him, though I can't help but wonder why He would let me feel these things if there were not some greater purpose for it all.
So it seems that, as with many things, time will tell. To what end my passion and feeling will serve is a mystery, But I will have a splendid time trying to find out.
But still I am left to wonder... am I the only one who has experienced this? Is there any other out there who feels as deeply as I do? You are in good company, I assure you. ;>
Whenever I go and see a movie at a theater, at least in the vein of movies I thoroughly enjoy (creature/supernatural features, mostly), I tend to gain a freak adrenaline surge after I leave the theater. Often, this has led to my doing some very strange things on the way to the car (i.e. dancing, jumping up on signposts or walls, jumping on other people, or laying on the rear window of my car and staring into the sky). It's quite a sight to see, I assure you. Once, I kept my composure long enough to dropped my friend at his house and drive home, after which I parked my car and walked around the park across my street for about an hour and a half (at 10:30 at night, in midwinter), until my hands and throat were numb from the cold. My mother was not amused, and when pressed for an explanation, I responded, "I didn't want to be in the house just yet." I almost did the same thing again tonight, but I resisted the urge, after lying on the side of my car for a few minutes and fighting the urge to jump the chain-link fence and just run.
I feel an intolerable need to be out in the open air, free of all my normal attachments, at least for a little while longer. When I am in the theater, absorbed in another world, into another person's life (or lives), I feel a sort of peace, and a sweet knowledge that nothing of my world can touch me here, save for the person that was transported to this world with me. And I so wish that I could take some of that peace back with me, but alas, it can only live in these other worlds, these scenes of the impossible, the fantastic, the inexplicable. The normal just doesn't hold as much sway over me after I've felt so strongly the pull of the supernormal.
The first time it happened, and many times subsequently, I told myself that it was because I had been sitting on my butt, doing nothing, eating a whole bag of candy. But this latest excursion to the realm of impossibility had proven me wrong, for no candy passed my lips while I sat, and halfway through the movie, I was literally vibrating in my chair, half from the cold of the theater, and half from pent-up excitement. I had to bite my tongue to keep from laughing or shouting out loud, especially when it was the least appropriate to do so. I felt so inhibited, as though the other people in the room were the only thing keeping me from screaming at the top of my lungs and laughing to the point of sickness. It frightened me a little, as this was the first time I had ever been to see a movie alone. I do not believe it is an experience I shall repeat, as the symptoms seem to grow exponentially when I have no one close to me who I fear may be judging my actions.
These strange and morbid feelings do not last for long, though. Thankfully. After the inexplicable surge of energy has left me, there is in it's place an incredible lethargy, weighting down my limbs and making me feel as though I have just fought an incredible beast. I lay down, and sleep calls to me. But I cannot sleep, for the energy that was within my limbs has now made its home within my head. My thoughts return to the world that I inhabited for so fleeting a time, running round and round until such a time as even my mind is worn out, and dreamless sleep then welcomes me.
I have never dreamt after an experience like that. not once. maybe my mind is too tired from dissecting every scene of the films, trying desperately to find a way back in.
This is unhealthy, I know. After my night of wandering in the park, my mom told me it was because I felt things too deeply, that I empathized with the characters until I truly wished I were one of them. I am beginning to believe that she was correct, that I am too passionate about things that are not real, and that I should redirect my energies towards the good of this world... but I can never seem to get up that kind of wanton enthusiasm for anything the natural world has to offer... except for God. He is, as always, my saving grace, because when I look to Him, all other things in my mind pale in comparison. Fictions lose their splendor, lies are shown for what they are, and the inner struggle of my being are rendered utterly unimportant. There is only myself and Him, telling me that I am perfect just the way He created me, and I need no more than that. And I always find myself agreeing with Him, though I can't help but wonder why He would let me feel these things if there were not some greater purpose for it all.
So it seems that, as with many things, time will tell. To what end my passion and feeling will serve is a mystery, But I will have a splendid time trying to find out.
But still I am left to wonder... am I the only one who has experienced this? Is there any other out there who feels as deeply as I do? You are in good company, I assure you. ;>
Sunday, January 24, 2010
This Time, an Untrivial Matter
I'm sure by now you've all heard about the earthquakes in Haiti that caused mass devastation of the capital, Port-au-Price, which took many lives and injured a large number of people. if you haven't already offered monetary support to begin to heal a broken land, I suggest giving to either the Red Cross or Doctors Without Borders.
Now, I am not trying to guilt anyone into giving up their hard-earned money, but this is a worthwhile cause, and after all, you can't take it with you. What better way to use your money than to spend it on people? A donation at this time would be a gift that continues to give.
I understand if you are hard-pressed for money, and no one would blame you if you chose not to give, least of all me, but I just ask that you each search your hearts and see if there is some amount, no matter how small, that you can give to help the citizens of Haiti rebuild after this horrendous natural disaster.
Below are a couple of links if you wish to make an online donation; there are also instructions on these pages if you would rather send a check instead.
Thank you for reading.
Red Cross Donation Page:
http://arc3.convio.net/site/PageServer?pagename=ntld_main&s_subsrc=RCO_ResponseStateSection
"We've got to come together 'cause in the end we can make it alright
We've got to brave the weather through all of the storms
We've got to learn to love"
-Third Day
Now, I am not trying to guilt anyone into giving up their hard-earned money, but this is a worthwhile cause, and after all, you can't take it with you. What better way to use your money than to spend it on people? A donation at this time would be a gift that continues to give.
I understand if you are hard-pressed for money, and no one would blame you if you chose not to give, least of all me, but I just ask that you each search your hearts and see if there is some amount, no matter how small, that you can give to help the citizens of Haiti rebuild after this horrendous natural disaster.
Below are a couple of links if you wish to make an online donation; there are also instructions on these pages if you would rather send a check instead.
Thank you for reading.
Red Cross Donation Page:
http://arc3.convio.net/site/PageServer?pagename=ntld_main&s_subsrc=RCO_ResponseStateSection
"We've got to come together 'cause in the end we can make it alright
We've got to brave the weather through all of the storms
We've got to learn to love"
-Third Day
Tuesday, January 12, 2010
The most dangerous tree you may ever encounter in your life
I was doing some web surfing today, and while looking at funny pictures of strangely worded signs on Oddlyspecific.com (an offshoot of Icanhascheezburger.com), I came upon this one: http://oddlyspecific.com/2009/12/im-intrigued/. (PLEASE check the link before reading on)
I scrolled down to read the various comments about it and came upon one about the manchineel tree.
The user “Crovie” warns “That tree can kill you in a dozen different ways. It’s poisonous, it has spikes, its spikes are poisonous, its leaves are poisonous, rain that falls on its leaves and drips off becomes poisonous, its fruit is spiked and if you get past the spikes the inside is poisonous, and if you cut it or burn it, it releases poisonous fumes.”
I read this and just thought, Wow. So you, readers, get a crash course in crazy-poisonous trees.
According to Wikipedia, my go-to source for fast facts, “A present-day Spanish name is in fact manzanilla de la muerte, "little apple of death". This refers to the fact that manchineel is one of the most poisonous trees in the world.” No kidding.
So look out, residents of Florida, the Bahamas, and the Carribean, and anyone planning a trip. It can grow up to 50 feet (15 meters) high, its leaves are a glossy green, and its fruit resembles a green crab apple. It usually grows near the shoreline, by the way, so if you see a grove of these, I suggest keeping your distance. In fact, they are so hazardous that many of them are given warning signs or a red "X” sprayed on the trunks to denote danger, so keep an eye out.
Don’t go burning it to get rid of it, though; the smoke it would release can cause blindness. Also, they are an endangered species, so you may never come across one. That just goes to show, no matter how deadly something is, there’s always someone out there trying to keep it alive.
Apparently, anything in the Euphorbiaceae family should be avoided, because another comment referred to the tropical sandbox tree, which is, as he so aptly describes, “insanely poisonous, grows hundreds of feet tall, every inch is bristling with thorns which are similarly poisonous, its seeds have the same general shape, size and sharpness as bear claws (NO, NOT THE DOUGHNUT KIND), it can grow just about anywhere, and to top it all off, the fruit (again, poisonous) F***ING EXPLODES. NO S***, IT USES THE SHRAPNEL METHOD FOR SEED DISTRIBUTION. You remember how I said they were shaped like bear claws? Seemed like a random detail at the time, didn’t it? So yes, dangerous tree, GTFO, holy s***, run!” (Edited for content ;D)
Very eloquent, “matt”; but he does make a good point: DON’T go near a sandbox tree in the spring. Luckily, unless you're planning on trekking through the Amazon rainforest any time soon, you won't come upon this killer plant, also known as the ‘dynamite plant’ to natives. This tree has three main uses: it is often cultivated for shade (which seems very dangerous to me), it’s poison is used for hunting, and it’s sap is used as an additive to an hallucinogenic beverage. Groovy.
I scrolled down to read the various comments about it and came upon one about the manchineel tree.
The user “Crovie” warns “That tree can kill you in a dozen different ways. It’s poisonous, it has spikes, its spikes are poisonous, its leaves are poisonous, rain that falls on its leaves and drips off becomes poisonous, its fruit is spiked and if you get past the spikes the inside is poisonous, and if you cut it or burn it, it releases poisonous fumes.”
I read this and just thought, Wow. So you, readers, get a crash course in crazy-poisonous trees.
According to Wikipedia, my go-to source for fast facts, “A present-day Spanish name is in fact manzanilla de la muerte, "little apple of death". This refers to the fact that manchineel is one of the most poisonous trees in the world.” No kidding.
So look out, residents of Florida, the Bahamas, and the Carribean, and anyone planning a trip. It can grow up to 50 feet (15 meters) high, its leaves are a glossy green, and its fruit resembles a green crab apple. It usually grows near the shoreline, by the way, so if you see a grove of these, I suggest keeping your distance. In fact, they are so hazardous that many of them are given warning signs or a red "X” sprayed on the trunks to denote danger, so keep an eye out.
Don’t go burning it to get rid of it, though; the smoke it would release can cause blindness. Also, they are an endangered species, so you may never come across one. That just goes to show, no matter how deadly something is, there’s always someone out there trying to keep it alive.
Apparently, anything in the Euphorbiaceae family should be avoided, because another comment referred to the tropical sandbox tree, which is, as he so aptly describes, “insanely poisonous, grows hundreds of feet tall, every inch is bristling with thorns which are similarly poisonous, its seeds have the same general shape, size and sharpness as bear claws (NO, NOT THE DOUGHNUT KIND), it can grow just about anywhere, and to top it all off, the fruit (again, poisonous) F***ING EXPLODES. NO S***, IT USES THE SHRAPNEL METHOD FOR SEED DISTRIBUTION. You remember how I said they were shaped like bear claws? Seemed like a random detail at the time, didn’t it? So yes, dangerous tree, GTFO, holy s***, run!” (Edited for content ;D)
Very eloquent, “matt”; but he does make a good point: DON’T go near a sandbox tree in the spring. Luckily, unless you're planning on trekking through the Amazon rainforest any time soon, you won't come upon this killer plant, also known as the ‘dynamite plant’ to natives. This tree has three main uses: it is often cultivated for shade (which seems very dangerous to me), it’s poison is used for hunting, and it’s sap is used as an additive to an hallucinogenic beverage. Groovy.
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